Sexual abstinence is a choice to refrain from sexual activity. This choice is usually made for a specific reason. The reason may be moral, religious, legal, or for health and safety.
Everyone has a different definition of sexual abstinence. The most common meaning of sexual abstinence is not having sexual intercourse, vaginal or anal. Oral sex can be considered sexual activity and would therefore be included as an activity to stop if you make the decision to be abstinent.
It is important to discuss with your partner what abstinence means to you, especially if you are developing a new relationship. A specific definition of abstinence should include the expressions of love and sexuality that are acceptable to you and those that aren’t. Give your partner example of acceptable behavior: holding hands, cuddling, kissing, etc.
The choices of what is acceptable may depend on the purpose of the abstinence. Your choice of abstinence may be based on moral or ethical reasons, such as a belief that the act of intercourse should be reserved as an expression of a lifetime commitment to one person, to avoid pregnancy, or to avoid any sexually transmitted infections.
There’s nothing weird or “uptight” with choosing abstinence – it’s just like choosing to use a condom or hormonal contraceptive. It’s about what you want for you, your body and your life.
Advantages
- Abstinence from vaginal and anal intercourse is free and available to everyone.
- If adhered to, it is extremely effective at preventing both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.
- It has no medical or hormonal side effects.
- Abstinence may encourage people to build relationships in other ways.
Disadvantages
- If you’re counting on abstinence, and you change your mind in the “heat of the moment,” you might not have birth control readily available to you.
- If semen spills on or near the vagina, pregnancy is still possible, even without penetration.
- Even without vaginal or anal penetration, other sexual activity such as oral sex can expose you to STIs, and awareness of this is important.
Practicing Abstinence
Practicing abstinence does not mean you can’t or don’t have sexual feelings. Just because you choose not to have sex doesn’t mean you can’t date, have feelings for another person, find somebody incredibly sexy or be in a serious relationship. You can still be emotionally and physically intimate with your partner and not have sexual intercourse. In fact, exploring different physical ways to bring sexual pleasure to yourself and your partner without having intercourse can not only help couples become more intimate, but it can help you learn more about yourself sexually. Again, it’s up to you to decide what you want to do and experience.
Oral sex is defined as using your mouth to stimulate your partner’s genitals. Many people see oral sex as a safer, acceptable alternative to vaginal or anal intercourse – especially those who want to prevent pregnancy. It is important to discuss with your partner whether or not you are comfortable giving or receiving oral sex, as well as each other’s sexual history before making any decisions about oral sex. Like sexual intercourse, oral sex does have risks that can affect your health.
Absitence & Oral Sex?
Risks of Oral Sex
The primary risk of oral sex involves coming in direct contact with vaginal or seminal fluids that can transmit HIV or sexually transmitted infections. While not as risky as unprotected anal or vaginal sex, it is still possible to get STIs from having unprotected oral sex. The risk to contract HIV and other STIs is much lower for the receiver than the person performing the act. For the person performing the act, the risk of transmission is much lower if gums are healthy and if semen or vaginal fluids do not enter the mouth. However, such preventative measures aren’t always enough to prevent infection since you may have cuts or ulcers in your mouth that you may not be aware of. There is no pregnancy risk associated with oral sex – women cannot get pregnant by swallowing semen.
There have been a few documented cases where HIV has been transmitted through oral sex since HIV is found in blood, semen, vaginal fluids, and breast milk. The virus can also be transmitted through cuts, openings, sores, and mucous membranes (mouth, anus, vagina) on the body.
Herpes can be transmitted from genitals to mouth or mouth to genitals during unprotected oral sex.
Gonorrhea
While not always listed as an oral sex risk, experts have seen a recent increase in the number of gonorrhea infections of the throat. Exposure to vaginal or seminal fluids infected with gonorrhea are the cause of these infections.
How to Make Oral Sex Safer
- Using effective barrier methods such as condoms or latex dental dams. In the absence of barrier methods, men should avoid ejaculating in their partners’ mouths.
- Being aware of sores, discharge, or unpleasant odors from your partner’s genitals – signs to avoid oral sex.
- Not flossing and brushing teeth before oral sex. It might give you better breath, but it may also tear the lining of the mouth, increasing the exposure to viruses.
- Avoiding aggressive and deep thrusting in oral sex, which can damage throat tissues and increase susceptibility for throat-based gonorrhea, herpes and abrasions.
Masturbation
Throughout history, masturbation – touching one’s own sex organs for pleasure – has been stigmatized as ” a perversion” that can have negative physical and mental health consequences. You’ve probably heard all sorts of myths about masturbation – that it will cause you to go blind, go insane, or grow hair on your palms. Maybe you’ve heard other falsehoods such as the only people who masturbate are those who are desperate for sex or can’t “get any” with a partner. Unfortunately, there is a lot of needless confusion, guilt and shame surrounding masturbation. In fact, masturbation is completely normal, it’s not bad for you physically or mentally, and most people on the planet masturbate.
Some medical experts suggest that masturbation may provide a number of health benefits. However, the best part of all is that masturbation, unlike most other forms of sex play, has no risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infection.
Masturbation also helps people stay in control of their own sexual needs. By exploring our own bodies visually and by touch, we can learn more about ourselves and what feels good to us sexually. In fact, it is likely that most people learn to have their first orgasms through masturbating. By identifying what makes us feel good, we can communicate to a partner what makes us feel good.
So remember, the truth is that masturbating is an important choice in which people can feel comfortable with, know their bodies better and take care of their sexual health.
**Developed in conjunction with Planned Parenthood Federation of America
Virginity
Virginity is the state of never having had sexual intercourse. It is viewed positively or negatively depending on one’s gender, age, culture and own personal beliefs and attitudes. The decision to stay a virgin or to have sex is entirely up to you. Your reasons – saving yourself for marriage, fear of pregnancy or disease, not being ready – only have to be good enough for you – not for anyone else. There are plenty of other ways to be sexually intimate and not have sex. Virgins can have orgasms just like non-virgins.
Are you ready to lose it? Gain peace of mind first.
Deciding to have sex is a big step for anyone, whether they are a virgin or not, and the risks of disease and pregnancy are very real. Click here to read about 10 things you can do before having sex to be better prepared. Women CAN get pregnant when they have sex for the first time. But remember this: just because you choose to start having sex doesn’t mean you have to continue having sex. You may think you are ready, but afterwards decide that being sexually active is not for you right now. That’s okay – just as it was your decision to have sex, it is your decision to stop having sex.
Losing it
Losing your virginity can be an entirely different experience depending on if you are a man or a woman. It’s not uncommon for either sex to feel nervous or awkward – even if one partner is more “experienced” than the other. Men may find they orgasm very quickly.
For most women, intercourse for the first time is mildly uncomfortable. Many women are born with a hymen, a thin membrane of tissue covering the vaginal entrance, which can tear during intercourse. Some women may tear or stretch this tissue naturally during normal physical activity or tampon use and therefore, may experience less discomfort. Each woman will have a different experience, but bleeding and discomfort the first few times are common. Communicating with your partner clearly and honestly about what you are feeling, as well as taking things slowly, can make the experience better. If pain and bleeding persist, go talk to your healthcare provider immediately.
Communication
One of the most important aspects of any successful relationship is effective communication between both parties. Although communication is very important, many people have not developed the skills to effectively communicate. Sometimes communication can be tough because when you disclose personal information about yourself, you make yourself vulnerable and open to rejection.
However, it is important to be open with your partner. Honesty is the best policy. Deciding to become sexually active or practice abstinence is a personal choice and it is important to discuss your reasons with your partner. Communication is the key to becoming informed about sex and to making the right decision.
